can’t say Canada wasn’t good to us. We played some small, weirdo places and the kids of Quebec, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Alberta and British Columbia came out from their remote dwellings on weeknights to hear what we had to say. Strangely, being that far North, in neglected, impoverished small towns reminded me of being in the South in the States; the same depressing truck stops run by one-armed half-wits; the same punctured hot dogs spinning tirelessly on the rotisserie; the same meth-induced blank stares and vomiting pink-haired punk rockers. As someone who spends a good portion of his life traveling various parts of the planet I can assure you that everywhere I go I run into people who like to drink beer. A lot of beer.
Several times on the tour I forgot where I was. Everyone was speaking English but in a sort of weird way. That silly accent. It took me a few confused moments each morning to remember that I wasn’t in The US, or Australia, or England or Guam. Of course, it often doesn’t really matter where I am. All the hotel rooms look exactly the same and in the morning I have to pause as I exit my room to figure out which direction to walk down the hall to the elevator. I have a 50/50 chance of getting it right.
The 2-hour ferry ride from Vancouver through the Strait of Georgia was serene and idyllic. I saw some chippy on the deck lighting a joint at 11am and I wanted to ask for a toke, but I figured it wouldn’t be worth it once I was keelhauled and detained at the border for the rest of the week. The guard at immigration as we crossed back into home territory seemed half in the bag as well. He was a bit too happy to see us. Fine by me; the sooner I get back to the US the sooner I can start looking for some proper drugs.
It’s certainly a relief to pay for real coffee with real money. No more purchasing burnt bean-water with those goofy Monopoly bank notes. That said, Canada is alright. I’m mean, you guys are North Americans just like me, so we have that in common for whatever it’s worth. Probably nothing. I like trees and eggs and you guys seem to have plenty of those, so as long as I keep my record clean I’ll most likely be back. Thanks.